


Flowers in the Stars

by Tigertarkla45



Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Eventual Sex, F/M, Language of Flowers, Romance, Therapy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-15
Updated: 2020-02-14
Packaged: 2021-02-28 06:07:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 6,881
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22728883
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tigertarkla45/pseuds/Tigertarkla45
Summary: An AU where, after BaAT Kaiden is sent to an inpatient facility where he meets a young Shepard and they form a bond. After losing her family, Shepard has learned to communicate best using the language of flowers.
Relationships: Kaidan Alenko/Female Shepard
Kudos: 11





	1. Cherry Blossoms

**Author's Note:**

> Cherry Blossoms are not really part of the Language of Flowers but in the first chapter I meant for them to represent a new beginning.

“It's not forever, just a little while, to help you get your head straight.”

Kaiden nods at his father's words. They didn't really matter though, they were having him committed. He had killed someone and now they thought he was dangerous, he was dangerous. No matter how pretty the gardens were it was still a mental institution. 

“You will have the option of joining several groups, many geared to addressing the unique stresses biotics deal with.” 

He listened absentmindedly as they wandered through the facilities large inner garden. It was spring and many of the trees burst with color, drooping with blossoms, white, pink and yellow. “It's reflection time right now, that's why it is so quiet. Everyday you and your fellow residents will have time to think and reflect on the day's activities in the quiet of your quarters.”

“What about her?” Kaiden points to the lone figure. 

A young girl wearing a plain, light grey outfit stands barefoot under a cherry tree. She is turned slightly away, so he can't quite make out her features but light coming through the branches of the tree dapples her nut brown skin and glints off the copper strands in her otherwise dark hair. She stands so still, face tilted up. It's kind of charming. The attendant sighs. 

“Shepard, love, you are supposed to be at reflection.”

The girl swivels her head and looks at the attendant, her dark eyes steady. Kaiden has to resist the urge to gasp though because a large scar, likely from a burn sweeps across the right side of her face, barely missing the right eye and disappearing into her hairline. 

“The cherry blossoms.” Is her quiet reply. 

She gives no further explanation, just turns her face back to the tree. 

“You are supposed to be in your room.”

The woman takes a step towards the girl who doesn't acknowledge that she has even been spoken to. 

“Miss Harkin, she is fine.” A firm but warm voice halts the attendant from approaching the girl more. 

The man who has stepped onto the path is middle aged, medium toned skin, kind eyed but with an undeniable sense of authority. 

“Dr. Kenneth” he introduces himself and Kaiden's father shakes his offered hand. 

“If she is allowed to break the rules then the others will think they can as well.” Miss Harkin states. 

Dr. Kenneth shakes his head. “Here at Melport we like to let the residents choose their own paths forward. Most find the structured environment comforting, but it is not the right solution for everyone. You'll have to forgive Miss Harkin, she is new and not quite used to our methods.” 

Miss Harkin pinches her mouth but makes a quick apology before resuming their tour. As they start to exit the garden, he looks back to find Dr. Kenneth sitting on a nearby bench, taking notes in a red book. The girl hasn't moved.” 

“You were at BaAT?” 

The question startles Kaiden from his attempt at meditation. He opens his eyes to find himself staring into Shepard's dark steady expression. She is sitting cross legged in front of him. She's so quiet most of the time that he wonders how long she has been there. 

“Aren't you supposed to be in your quarters?” 

She shakes her head. “It is Wednesday, I'm supposed to be in my one on one with Dr. Kenneth.”

“At yet you are here, interrupting my meditation.”

“You weren't meditating, your breathing was off. I wouldn't have bothered you if you were meditating.”

Kaiden let out a huff of frustration. “Why are you here anyway?”

She blinks at him. “I like looking at you.”

The forthright answer throws him for a minute. He scrunches his brow in confusion. 

“I'm too old for you to have a crush on me.” 

“It’s not unusual for adolescent girls to have 'crushes’” she does air quotes when she says the word, “on older males.”

He blinks, unsure how to respond. Talking to her was always strange, like listening to an adult speak from a kid's mouth. She continues.

“Besides you are only three years older than me.”

“So you do have a crush on me.”

“I don't know. You aren't like everyone else here. You're not broken, just a little chipped.”

“You think you're broken?”

“I wasn't even born right, but I'm less broken than I used to be. Dr. Kenneth says that I'll never be completely fixed, but that I'm glued together well enough that at least when they release me I will be able to survive on my own.”

“How'd you even end up here? Did your parents just leave you?”

“My parents are dead. My uncle brought me here. He thought they could fix me here. He's in the Alliance Navy. If I get well enough to pass the mental fitness exam, I want to join. I've only seen the flowers on two planets, I'd like to see more.” 

As if suddenly remembering something she pulls a small box from the pocket of her pants and hands it to him. He cautiously opens it. 

“It’s a cherry blossom, the smell always helps me clear my mind. Close your eyes, take a few deep breaths.” 

He does as she bids, as he inhales the light scent of the blossom fills his nose, giving him something to focus on. He feels himself relax into the state he needs to go into. He opens his eyes to thank her but she is gone. 

_ They planted cherry blossoms on Elysium. The white petals float in the wind along with the ash. The smell of flowers mixing with burnt flesh.  _

_ “Commander?” _

_ Shepard turns her attention back to the task at hand. With a nod she indicates their path forward. Kaiden and Jenkins follow her lead.  _


	2. Dandelion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This part gets a little time jumpy... sorry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dandelion represents faithfulness and happiness

It's been years since he's seen her, so it's really no surprise when her eyes move over him with no real recognition. 

“Commander Shepard, this is private Jenkins and Lt. Alenko.”

Her gaze jerks back to him. 

“You joined the Alliance, good, they value biotics.” 

She gives him a quick smile then resumes her tour of the ship. 

_ Blinding pain races across her head, then the images, red, angry, painful. She fights against it but it pulls her under again and again.  _

He waits by her bedside and his mind can't help but wander to the last time he saw her. His last day at the facility. 

“They're weeds, Doctor, are they really the best thing for her to be obsessing about.”

“They are dandelions and there are far worse ways she could spend her time. Let her be.”

“But…” Miss Harkin continues her argument. 

Kaiden slips by unnoticed. He's not really supposed to be in this wing but then again, Shepard is not supposed to be in his quarters during reflection yet for the past year she has been doing so. Sometimes without him even knowing until he found the flower she left behind, real or drawn. He had asked about the flowers once and she had simply told him. “It's traditional courting behavior.” As if that explained everything. She's not overbearing though so he shrugs off her crush for the most part. Besides, she is interesting to talk to, always saying the queerest things in that direct manner of hers. He was being released though and he wanted to say goodbye before he went. At the very least she was his friend. 

He finds her quarters by the name plate affixed to the front and he gives three taps before a muffled voice calls him in. He slips inside quietly closing the door behind him and is assaulted by the sharp smell of dandelions and a room filled with vases, all filled with dandelions. 

“Oh, it's you. Aren't you supposed to be leaving today?” She asks from where she sits cross legged in the middle of the floor. In progress drawings scattered around her. 

“I wanted to say goodbye. What's with the dandelions?” 

“Dandelions are very useful flowers, you can make nice tea out of them, and the greens are edible. Plus they are yellow. I got them from the West lawn before they were mowed down. Are you happy to be going?” 

He looks down at her to find her dark eyes studying him. “happy but a little nervous as well.” 

“I will miss you, but maybe we will meet again.”

“I will miss you too. We could still write. Maybe talk on the vids.’

“No, you should forget this place. Talking to me all the time will just make you remember. Besides I don't like writing or the vids.” 

“This place hasn't been that bad, besides, I met you.”

“This place isn't bad but it will always remind you of the place you were before and you wouldn't be here if that place was good.”

“No, I suppose not.” 

“It will be okay, you'll see. Flowers never last but sometimes they are perennials.”

She was weirdly wise for someone so young. 

With a groan she begins to stir and Kaiden alerts Chakwas. She sits up, rubbing her forehead.

“Are you okay?”

She gives him a slight smile. “I imagine I will continue to live, I'm tenacious like that.”

Kaiden can't help but smile slightly at the remark. 

“I was kinda surprised when I saw that you had joined the Alliance.” 

Shepard tilts her head. “I told you that I would, if I could fix my brain enough.”

“Yeah, but people say things when they are kids all the time and never follow through.”

She pauses, processing the information, “I suppose, I didn't know a lot of kids.”

“Didn't you grow up at the facility, it specialized in adolescents.”

Shepard shrugs “I didn't really like the other kids that much so I didn't bother to make friends. Dr. Kenneth was the closest thing to a friend I had before you came along.”

“Oh.”

“I'm better at making friends now. You need to have friends in the Alliance. Friends are more willing to fight for you.”

“Friends are for more than just that.”

She takes a while to respond. “Of course, everyone on board brings unique talents that help make the team more successful.”

“That's not what I meant, I meant that you shouldn't make friends because of their utility. Friends are for more, for companionship, connection, love…” 

Another pause then Shepard withdrew, shaking her head. “I don't want that from my friends, I don't think they expect that from me, and if they do, they will be disappointed.” She stands. “I will think about it though. I do not want to be a bad friend.”


	3. Oleander

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaiden's feelings for Shepard start to change.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oleander represents caution

“You know, a lot of flowers will kill you if given half the chance. The thing is, usually you have to eat them before they do.”

Kaiden is sitting on the lawn beside Shepard as she draws the flowering bush in front of her. He has no idea where the thought came from, the last time she had spoken she had said something along the lines that if she had lived in the past she was certain she would have made a good botanical artist. The flow of her thoughts were often a mystery to him though. She voiced so few of them and the ones she did voice were often the result of a long internal debate. Sometimes he would try to connect the dots between her previous thoughts and the latest ones. There were times when the transition could be tracked and other times where it could not. If he couldn't track it he would ask, if he thought it was important enough. This thought he let go, distracted by his own eternal debate. A moment later, she continued. “Poisonous flowers aren't inherently bad, in fact, a lot of them are extremely useful when used right. It's not the flower's fault if it kills you after you choose to ingest it.”

“Of course not.”

“Especially if you know that the flower is poisonous.”

“Especially in that scenario.”

Shepard lets out a long sigh and her pencil stills. The two movements alert Kaiden to the fact that she is trying to say something more to him and he is not understanding her. He runs over the words trying to eke some meaning out of her words. 

“I don't understand what you are trying to tell me.” He finally admits after a moment. 

She sighs again, releasing her hold on the pencil. It remains in the air, suspended by a thin trail of blue energy. 

“Biotics are like poisonous flowers, dangerous but extremely useful. People know this, know that if we lose control of our emotions it can be even more dangerous. Still, that turian, he provoked you. Like a botanist who, well aware of the dangers, still chose to eat an Oleander. We can't blame the Oleander for the botanist's death just as we can't blame you for the turian's.”

“People aren't flowers, Shepard.”

“No, flowers are simpler. You should be more like a flower.”

Kaiden reaches out and brushes a strand of her twisted hair away from her face. She holds completely still as his thumb skims over her scar. He withdraws his hand and she releases the breath she had been holding. 

“Okay, I'll try.”

She gives him a small smile before snatching her pencil from the air and ducking her head back to her work. 

It doesn't even occur to him that may be inappropriate until he is in the midst of the movement. They are sitting in the empty mess and Shepard is bent over a data pad, scanning through reports and a thick strand of hair falls from the haphazard mass gathered on her head. So he does something he has done probably a hundred times before. He reaches out and pushes the strand back, his thumb brushing against her scarred cheek.

And just as before she stills, her dark eyes finding his and holding his gaze till he breaks contact. Except, she's not a little kid anymore, and the three years between their ages doesn't feel insurmountable any longer. He holds her gaze longer than he intends, suspended between withdrawing and pressing his hand further to caress her cheek. I'm the end he jerks away and her gaze drops back to the data pad. 

He mutters an apology. 

“I'm sorry, I shouldn't have. Force of habit.”

“I don't mind if you touch me.” She replies, not looking back up. “Friends touch each other.”

“We are friends then? I wasn't sure.”

“Of course we are friends, we've been friends for a long time.”

“Yes, of course we have.”

The next morning he finds a slip of paper under his coffee cup. He unfolds it to find an ink drawing of a group of Oleander flowers. Shepard's neat writing on the edge identifies them for him. He slips the drawing into one of the pockets next to his heart, for keeping, to add to his collection of flower drawings. He smiles to himself. 


	4. Orchid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two gifts for two different occasions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Orchid represents love and beauty.

It was probably a silly thing but from the moment he had seen it he had thought of Shepard. The thing in question was a thessian orchid encased in some sort of crystal that preserved the delicate structure of the blossom. It wasn't reasonable to have actual flowers onboard a spaceship but this, this would be good. Standing outside of Shepard's door holding the trinket he began to doubt. He was unsure how she would see the token. He was certain she would love it but, well, would she take it as he would present it, a token of their friendship, or would she see the deeper meaning behind it. Would she see that his affection ran deeper than mere friendship? Would she even want something more than friendship, would she want his love?

He takes a deep breath and taps on the door and after a few seconds it slides open to reveal Shepard. 

She smiles at him, briefly holding his gaze before letting her eyes slide away as was her habit. 

“Can I come in?”

She nods, moving aside to let him enter. Once he is inside there is an awkward pause while they wait for the door to slide shut and they rearrange themselves so they are standing close, but not too close. 

“Umm, I got you something.” He presents her with the small black box that holds the crystal and she takes it from him and starts to open it. “I saw it and thought of you.”

She withdraws the crystal and holds it up to the light to study the flower inside. She says nothing, her face blank in concentration. 

“It's a Thessian Orchid.”

“Yes.”

“Did you know that they are capable of mimicking the pheromones of whatever pollinator is most prevalent in whatever region they are growing. Thessian orchids transplanted to earth have successfully mimicked bee pheromones despite the absence of bees on thessia.”

“You like it then?” 

“Yes, thank you.”

She crosses to her desk and carefully places the crystal on the surface below the computer screen. 

“Shepard.”

“Yes?”

Kaiden wasn't sure what to say. Her reaction had been more subdued than he hoped. Perhaps he was being too obtuse, Shepard struggled to understand the more subtle reactions between humans after all. She had told him that all those years ago. He gives his head a quick shake. 

“It's nothing, I'm glad you like it.”

“Did you need something else?” 

“No, goodnight.”

Shepard's quiet goodnight is almost swallowed up by the slide of the door as Kaiden exits the room.

_ “What are you reading?”  _

_ Shepard tilts the book so Dr. Kenneth can read the cover.  _

_ “The Secret Language of Flowers. That is an interesting choice.” _

_ Shepard shrugs.  _

_ A few days later Dr. Kenneth sits in his office, catching up on paperwork as Shepard draws. Her attention had turned to flowers lately. She still wasn't talking but she hadn't said anything in the 2 years since she arrived and he could be patient. For now her sessions provided a good opportunity to catch up on paperwork while she drew. As the hour draws to an end, Shepard stands and slides a single piece of paper onto his desk. A delicate flower is presented on the page, neatly written beneath is its identity, fressia. He studies the drawing, freely given. Usually the girl hoarded her drawings, reluctant to even show them to him. Her willingly giving him a drawing meant something. Several hours later he gave himself a start. Of course, the book.  _

_ The next session with Shepard, Dr. Kenneth places a small red and pink blossom on the table in front of her papers.  _

_ “It's an Azalea.”  _

_ After a few moments the girl reaches out and picks up the flower. She nods her head slightly.  _

_ “Okay.” _

_ “It is okay to miss him, you two were friends.” _

_ Shepard sighs, not looking up from the Zinnias she was drawing upon the sheet. “I know, but I don't like it.” _

_ “Not all emotions are pleasant but we close ourselves off from the good if we try to close ourselves off from the bad.”  _

_ “I know.” _

_ “I am very proud of how you handled your friendship. I understand you had a stronger attachment on your part.” _

_ Shepard nods. “I can't force people to feel the same as I feel for them. I understand.” _

_ They say nothing for several minutes then suddenly she speaks. _

_ “I feel abandoned but it is not logical to feel that way. He was never meant to stay here forever, people come and go all the time. You will not feel abandoned when I leave will you?” _

_ “I will miss you of course but no I won't feel abandoned I believe. But, Shepard, you must understand that feelings are rarely ever logical.” _

_ Shepard nods. “I'll try.” _

_ “Why don't you write to him?” _

_ “I don't want him to feel as if he is obligated to maintain a relationship with me. He's got another life to return to.” _

_ “Perhaps he wouldn't feel like that, perhaps he would enjoy maintaining a connection.” _

_ Shepard shrugs but Dr. Kenneth can tell by the firm press of her lips that it would be fruitless to argue with her further. She has made up her mind.  _


	5. Violets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaiden and Shepard spend the night together before Ilos.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Violets are meant to say "I'll always be true"

“Are you okay?”

“No, I am frustrated, and I'm angry. And I think, probably sad. It's a lot.”

Kaiden sinks to the floor beside her and leans against the lockers. He sits just far enough away that if he relaxes his knees just a little bit he will touch her. He doesn't relax though. He's trying to not feel rejected from his tenuous attempt at furthering their relationship. After all, he chickened out at the last minute and failed to state his intentions clearly. Still it had stung a little with the flavour of frustration. 

“I feel the same way.”

She rolls her head so she can gaze at his profile till he turns his own head in her direction. His gaze collided with hers briefly before she turns away. Kaiden pushes himself back to his feet then offers a hand to help her up. 

“Come on, there's no use in sitting around feeling sorry for ourselves.”

She hesitates but places her hand in his and allows him to pull her up. When she is on her feet he doesn't immediately let her go. Instead he lifts a hand and brushes a strand of hair away from her face, his thumb brushing her cheek. Her eyes drift close at the slight touch and she tilts her cheek into his hand. Time seems to draw to a standstill and he leans towards her. 

“Shepard.” 

_ She can feel the whisper of her name across her lips and she squeezes her eyes shut. Holding the moment in suspension, just a moment though. She straightens, withdrawing her hand and taking a step back before opening her eyes. She cannot read the expression on Kaiden's face but she doesn't have time to decipher it, Joker's voice cuts through the tension in the room.  _

Kaiden is only certain of one thing when the door to Shepard's room slides open. If he dies today, his only regret would be letting Shepard go without knowing his feelings.

“Shepard.”

“Oh, Kaiden, it's you.” She gives him a soft smile as she stands up from the desk. 

Words fail him and his mouth goes dry. He's not even fully aware of crossing the room to capture her face in his hands till his thumb grazes across the rough scar across her cheek. Her wide eyes stare into his and he hesitates, but only for a moment because he feels her hands come to a rest on his waist. His lips press against hers and despite the chasteness of their meeting fire blossoms across his chest. He can feel her hands fist the fabric of his shirt and he pulls her closer, capturing her soft gasp in a deeper kiss. His hands move from her face, fingers pushing over her scalp as he guides her to tilt her head so he can deepen the kiss further. He can feel her fingers dig into his waist as she moans softly pressing closer. He feels as if he stay here forever just kissing, feeling her, but his need to breathe asserts itself and he breaks contact to take in much needed air. Shepard's eyes spring open, they are bright, her cheeks flushed, as she gazes into his eyes. 

Then the inexplicable happens. Her hands release his waist and she pulls out of his grasp. For a moment he tries to hold her but ultimately he relinquishes his hold on her. 

She turns away from him. He watches her hands, shaking as they run through her hair. 

“Shepard, I-”

She cuts him off. “Just give me a moment. I need to get control of myself.”

Kaiden is unsure if he should feel happy that she was clearly feeling as out of control as he was feeling or concerned because she seemed determined to regain control of herself rather than submit to the glory of the moment. She heaves a sigh and spins back to him. 

“I can't.”

Kaiden doesn't have time to decipher the phrase because she flings herself back into his arms. All coherent thoughts flee. He can only act on the instincts of desire. Her arms wrap around his neck and hands skim down her back to her ass, to press her close then lift her. Her legs automatically wrap around his hips. She breaks their kiss only to rain smaller kisses along his cheeks, his nose, his forehead, his chin before pressing her lips to his mouth once again. He opens for her, his tongue darting out to tangle with hers. He staggers the few steps it takes to the bed and tilts them onto it. She gives a little yelp of surprise as her back makes contact with the surface. He pauses gazing down at her while bracing himself above her. She searches his face. 

“Shepard, I-”

She reaches up and caresses his face. 

“I love you.”

She gives a small smile but says nothing. She pulls him down for another kiss. He relents, unconcerned about hearing the words from her lips. 

_ Her hands skim under the hem of his shirt and she feels the contraction of his abdominal muscles as her fingers skim upwards. She has never been one for physical contact but right now she is determined to feel as much of his skin against hers as possible. She tugs the shirt up, breaking their kiss to pull it over his head. Kaiden gazes down at her, his eyes filled with emotion.  _

_ “Can I?” He motions to her shirt and she nods her head. _

_ The ability to speak has fled her but for once it is not a problem, she lets her body speak for her. She arches into his touch as he pulls the shirt from her body then frees her breasts from their bra. She lets out a low moan when one of his hands molds to a breast, her nipples tightening with arousal. He bends, drawing her other nipple into his mouth, his tongue swirling over the stiff peak. Her hands skim down his bare back down to his ass, under the waistband of his pants. She grips him there, drawing his hips down hard against her own, seeking the friction she needs. He grinds his hips against hers, seeking the same. His hand skims over her stomach, and somehow he manages to unbutton the fly and pull down the zipper. His hand cups her mound under the white panties that lie beneath. Fingers deftly stroke over her there.  _

_ “God. You're so hot, so wet.” _ He whispers against her neck which he is lavishing with kisses and soft bites. 

Her hands fumbling at the opening of his waistband is the only response she gives. He sits back, helps her open the pants. Pauses to strip hers then his own pants from their bodies, leaving them both gloriously unclothed. He stares down at her and she gazes steadily back, not trying to hide the imperfections, the scars, the stretch marks, the freckles dusted across her chest. It makes him want her even more fiercely. He leans down, kissing her again, catching her gasp as his fingers part her core, stroking her. Her fingers bite into his skin and her hips press against his hands as he strokes over her then in her when he presses first one then two fingers into her vagina. He almost comes from the feel of her tight slick heat. 

“Shepard” he cannot think of words to say beyond her name. Her hands come up to grip his head. To pull him to her lips and he swallows her cry of pleasure as she orgasms. He withdraws his fingers from her and she watches with lidded eyes as he licks her juices off. He rocks his hips, dragging his cock against her heat. She tilts hers in response. It is by no means elegant, but after a couple thrusts he finds home. He groans as he sinks into her. She flexes around him, drawing him deeper. She sighs with satisfaction and for a moment he is satisfied to stay there, connected so intimately with her. She reaches up again, staring into his eyes, her hips roll against him and he moans. He holds her gaze as he withdraws, and she doesn't flinch away as he drives into her over and over again. When his rhythm falters as he approaches his release she draws him down for a kiss, capturing his groan of pleasure as he spills inside her.

He relaxes against her and she strokes his back softly as he drifts off into sleep. Her soft words are the last thing to penetrate his consciousness.

“I love you more.”

He wakes to an empty room and he dresses quickly but before he leaves the room a slip of paper with his name captures his attention. On the inside are violets, rendered in purple ink. Their identity in neat writing along the edge. He smiles, tucking the gift into the pocket closest to his heart. 


	6. Dark Crimson Roses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaiden mourns Shepard

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dark Crimson Roses are for mourning

It takes a moment for Kaiden to recognize the older man who places a bouquet of dark crimson roses at the base of Shepard's memorial. 

“Dr. Kenneth?”

The man turns to him and after a moment of study replies.

“Ah, young Alenko. It has been a long time.”

The man gives a soft grunt as he takes a seat on the bench beside Alenko.

“Am I right in supposing, that after all these years, you two found each other again.”

“Yes, towards the end.” Kaiden lapses into a long silence, trying to regain control of his emotions still, his next words come out cracked, “I wish we had had more time.”

“In the end we always want more time. Still, I wish she would have stayed in touch after you left Melport. The connection you shared was rare, doubly so for someone with her past and condition.” 

“I wish I would have tried. I missed her. She always had a way of saying the wisest things in the queerest ways. It was easy to forget she was younger than me.” 

“She certainly had a unique way of looking at things.”

“She's the reason I forgave myself, compared biotics to poisonous flowers, always flowers with her.”

“Yes, forever flowers. You know the first time she communicated with me was in the language of flowers. Freesia, for trust.”

“The roses?”

“Dark Crimson, for mourning, I figured she would appreciate the sentiment. Whenever she struggled to find the right words she would employ flowers instead of her voice. Fresh ones, if she could find them, drawings when she could not. I still have a stack of drawings she did for me. Took them with me when I retired. She had quite a talent but the sentiment behind them made them more beautiful.”

Kaiden scrunched his eyebrows. He also had a small stack of her drawings placed in a special box he carried with him. Old ones from Melport and more recent ones from the Normandy. He had kept them because she had always been special to him, but he hadn't realized they had secret messages behind them. 

When he returns to his room he digs out the box and carefully arranges the contents. He starts with the earliest one she had given him, lilacs, painted in purple on a square bit of paper. The first emotion of love. A young girl's crush. One by one he went through the drawings, decoding her love letters. Some were compliments to him, some encouragements, others simple expressions of friendship, trust, connection. Most were expressions of love. Red chrysanthemum, I love you. Balsam, ardent love. Red tulips, a declaration of love. He thought he had said the words first but she had been telling him from the beginning, in a dozen different ways

Carefully he gathers the papers and places them back in the box. They are safe by the time his first tear begins to fall. 


	7. Rhododendron

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaiden learns that Shepard is alive again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rhododendron is meant to represent caution and danger

_ The last thing she can remember is struggling to breathe, drifting out into space, her suit losing air. The blinding light and screeching alarm is somehow worse. She struggles to sit up, to focus her eyes. The symbol she focuses on fills her mouth with bile. Not them, anyone but them.  _

_ They treat her like she's broken, she probably is, but even broken things can be used as a weapon. That's what they want from her, a weapon they can manipulate. To point her in a direction and order her to kill. She hates it, hates them but what is she going to do? At least she has friends, Chakwas, Joker, Garrus now. Motrin maybe, at least he hasn't treated her like a child because she hasn't been able to force words past her lips since she woke up.  _

“Shepard?” He says her name with disbelief. 

He had heard rumors but he had never thought they were more than that. Never thought he would be seeing her standing before him. She turns her head towards him, her body freezing. He starts towards her, reaching out, but she shrinks away. The salarian she is with steps forward and she moves behind him, turning away. Kaiden swivels his gaze to Garrus, questioning. Garrus gives a small shake of his head then speaks to the Salarian. 

“Mordin, why don't you take her back to the Normandy. I need to talk to Alenko here.”

Mordin nods and with a light tap on her shoulder he prompts her forward. Garrus waits till they are out of sight before talking again. 

“Alenko, it is good to see you.”

“What the hell is going on, Vakarian.”

“It's Cerberus, I don't know what they did to her, or even how they got a hold of her. She doesn't know much either. She doesn't trust them but she doesn't know how to get out. She feels like she can't go back to the Alliance, not till she knows what they did to her, why they did it. She thinks she’s a danger.”

“You don't agree with her?”

Garrus shakes his head, “I trust her, but she's right, we can't trust Cerebus. I don't think that she's a danger though, she's Shepard, I can feel that in my bones.” 

“She's right, we can't trust her, not while she is with Cerberus.”

Kaiden can see the disapproval in Garrus’ eyes but the turian says nothing more on the subject. 

“She hasn't spoken, not since she woke up.”

“Selective mutism, it gets worse when she's upset or overwhelmed. She will talk when she's ready.” 

He writes to her, deleting the first draft that he sends because it sounds too angry, too hurt and somewhere he realizes that she's not entirely responsible for what is happening right now. The next letter is nicer but his pain still seeps into the words. He clicks send before he can think about it too much. He's not expecting a reply, especially not one so soon. Her message comes through blank but he opens the attachment to find a sketchy drawing of a flowering bush, rhododendron is scrawled across one corner. With that he knows that Garrus didn't lie to him. 

“Does she know what you did?”

Kaiden can't bring himself to look at the asari, instead his gaze sweeps over the opulence of the citadel. Liara stiffens. 

“No, I don't think so.”

“You better hope she doesn't.”

“Surely, you understand why I did it. You loved her, didn't you.”

Kaiden clenches his fists, “It wasn't your choice to make, you know what they did to her, how she felt about Cerberus and still you delivered her into the hands of those monsters.”

“I-I just couldn't see how to go on without her.”

There is a long pause. 

“I've never wanted to hurt someone as much as I want to hurt you right now. You better pray that something good comes out of the mess you created.” 

“The people she has already saved may argue that something has.”

“Shepard would agree with you.” He turns glaring, “I don't”


	8. Yarrow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaiden and Shepard Reunite.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yarrow is for healing

_ “Good Morning, Shepard.” _

_ Dr. Kenneth's soothing voice is like a balm on her soul. Still it takes a while for the words to force themselves out of her throat.  _

_ “Good morning.” Her voice sounds foreign to her ears. It has been 8 months since she has spoken, well 2 years, 9 months and 7 days if you were counting from the last time she said anything at all. A single word as she pushed Joker into the escape pod. But she didn't count the two years that she was dead, the dead aren't meant to speak after all. It had taken her four months since being in Alliance custody, finally safe from Cerberus' agenda. 4 months of Dr. Kenneth's calm assertions of safety before she had been able to force even these words out.  _

_ “Well done, take your time with it, you’ll get there. Remember, no flower is late, they bloom precisely when they are meant to. _

“She's speaking again.” The news comes from Anderson. “It took her much less time to work through it this time, last time, after the raid, she took three years. I could only handle her for a year before I finally took her to Melport. The Alliance-”

“You don't have to justify it to me, Admiral, Shepard never blamed you for sending her there. She always spoke fondly of Melport.”

“Sometimes I feel as if I failed my sister. Sending Shepard off to Melport when I was supposed to take care of her, letting her join the Alliance, letting her die.” 

“The droughts of the past and future are of no concern to roots that need water today.”

“Ah, another Shepardism. Her father was a botanist, did you know that. He must have passed on his love of plants to her. That and her way of thinking. He was less concerned about others than she is though.” 

Anderson pulls out a small digital screen. It flickers to life and he shows the picture to Kaiden. It shows three people, a tan skinned man with dark serious eyes holds a potted plant he is crouched, showing it to a little girl whose hands are caked with dark dirt and whose face wears an equally serious face. A woman smiles over the scene, her hair a wild mass of curls, wearing an old fashioned dress with a bright floral print. 

“This was about 4 years before the raid.”

Kaiden's heart clenches at the sight of the tiny Shepard, eyes older than the rest of her little body. He wonders, if things were different, if in some version of the universe, if he and Shepard were together, if they had a daughter with her serious eyes, if she would teach her to love flowers as much as her father had taught her. 

“Why do you call her Shepard, not by her first name.” 

Anderson chuckles, “Elise named her after our mother, Ravena. Even as a little girl she hated the name for some reason, refused to answer to it. They started calling her by her surname when she tagged along with her father to work. According to Elise they called her little Shepard, her father was big Shepard. I learned early on that it was easier to do things her way than to try and convince her to do otherwise.”

Kaiden nods, “Dr. Kenneth used to say that you would have better luck convincing a river to flow uphill than to change Shepard's mind.”

Anderson chuckles but then the pair fall into companionable silence, each remembering Shepard as she had been before. Each wondering if she would still be that way. 

_ There's so much to be said to him. So many words to be spoken. Too many. Shepard squeezes her eyes closed and takes a deep breath. She turns away and a strong clear voice addresses James and Kaiden collectively. There would be time for words after the mission.  _

When Kaiden wakes up the first thing he sees is a potted plant. It's fern like, with small white flowers. 

“She said to tell you it's Yarrow.” 

“Shepard?”

The doctor nods. 

“Kaiden.”

His first instinct is to reach for her the moment she says his name. She hesitates then places her hand in his. He sighs. 

“I love you.”

She squeezes his hand. “I love you more.”


	9. Floriography

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a short epilogue

“Shepard.” 

Kaiden's soft voice pulls her from her sleep. She stretches before opening her eyes. Warm sun filters through the branches above and everywhere she glances her eyes are met with a profusion of blossoms.

“You fell asleep in the garden again.”

His voice draws her eyes to him and she smiles, reaching for him. He takes her hands, then with some struggle he kneels in the grass beside her, resting his back against the trunk of the tree he pulls her into his arms.

“The flowers are too pretty to waste by sleeping inside.”

“I am not sure Dr. Hardin would agree.”

She smooths a hand over her well rounded belly. 

“She likes it out here.”

Kaiden nuzzles her neck. “Of course she does.” 


End file.
